In lieu of a column today trumpeting my correct predictions in last night’s primaries and caucuses, I’m writing instead to announce a lawsuit I’m filing to address several crimes perpetrated against me in recent months (among them: continued negligence by Twitter support, abuse from online trolls, repeated malfunctions by dating apps, and the abject refusal by mainstream media outlets to acknowledge my winning prediction record over fivethirtyeight.com).
As readers of my Twitter feed are aware, I am often subjected to abuse and trolling stemming from my status as a single father, my disability as a Hellenic Inner Ear Syndrome Sufferer, my allyship to young ladies, my physical appearance, my opinions, and my respect for Gulf War hero Lindsey Graham.
In the past few weeks, as I’ve written columns critical of demagogues across the political spectrum from Bernie Sanders to Donald Trump, these attacks have led to malicious threats of violence and heinous suggestions that I “log off.”
Well, I won’t be “logging off.” Instead, I’ll be dealing with my harassers on my own terms.
I’m a veteran of the Beltway as well as Main Street. I’m no stranger to spirited debates. Sure, someone might say they support raising the retirement age, while you simply want means testing. But where I come from, name-calling is never resorted to. Yet no one told the various depraved trolls of Twitter about the rules of human decently, apparently:
This is the type of thing I’m subjected to on a regular basis. Every day, people demand I “f*ll” their “h*les.” I’m told “f*ck me daddy.” My son Colby is threatened with medieval weaponry. When I tell him about the various threats to his person, he becomes too petrified to even enjoy his Xbox games or the full production of “Hamilton” I recorded for him through a camera hidden in my baseball cap.
Even worse, I’ve encountered a massive website bug; in December, I decided to join in with holiday festivities by putting a Santa-style hat on my Twitter avatar. Due to multiple hackings or coding bungles, I have been unable to remove it. I’ve tried to alert Twitter multiple times, but this is what I got:
I’ve regularly tagged Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey, Twitter Support, and Arthur Chu in these venomous replies and gotten zero response. By refusing to deal with this vile harassment or help me with the Santa bug, Twitter has forced me to take matters to court — Family Court.
There are other counts in my lawsuit.
For one, I am naming networks including but not limited to ABC, NBC and CBS as unindicted co-conspirators for declining to recognize my brilliance in predicting the primary contests this cycle more successfully than Nate Silver.
Further, I am asking that dating sites like Tinder, OKCupid and SwirlMingle be placed under federal receivership for being biased against divorced middle-aged males by intentionally imposing technical support issues to prevent us from receiving messages from interested partners.
I know Family Court like the back of my hand. Yes, the pernicious judges there have forced me to wear ankle monitors during weekends with my son, thrown me in jail for contempt, and committed various other legal malpractices. However, I’ve grown accustomed to the setting after 12 years of representing myself, and just like I won bimonthly supervised custody of my son Colby, I will win justice against the trolls in these halls.
The following is my filing (you can also click here if it’s hard to read below). If you are trolls @cum_aaron33, @virgiltexas, or @Gundam1488, I’ll see you in court.
Carl “The Dig” Diggler has covered national politics for 30 years, and is the author of “Think-ocracy: The Rise Of The Brainy Congressman”. Got a question for the Dig? E-mail him at email@example.com or Tweet to @carl_diggler.
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