Who Said It: Bill Kristol or Billy Crystal?

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Their names, hairlines and grating voices may all be similar, but Bill Kristol and Billy Crystal are different people, two sources confirmed to CAFE this week. While the former is a conservative columnist and pundit renowned for wrong predictions and McCarthyite pronouncements, the latter is a Catskills-style comic known for hosting the Oscars when Plan A doesn’t work. Another similarity: Neither seems to ever struggle for work.

Can you tell them apart? Take the following quiz and decide which statement was said by Kristol the conservative, and which was uttered by a Crystal character.