Where Does Ted Nugent Rank Among All The Horrible People Who Have Set Foot In The White House?


You might be shocked to hear this, but an unqualified loudmouthed moron made his way into the White House last night. No, I’m not talking about, uh, legitimately most members of the Trump administration. I’m referring to the man behind Cat Scratch Fever: Ted Nugent.

This got me wondering – is Ted Nugent the worst person to ever set foot in the White House? Surely that can’t be the case. A murderers’ row of slave owning war crime enthusiasts have passed through the Oval Office at one time or another. Let’s take a closer look.

Dick Cheney

Cons: He’s a borderline-insane war profiteer.

Pros: Ted Nugent once explicitly said it would have been better if the South had won the Civil War. Even Cheney didn’t go there.

Henry Kissinger

Cons: He is an unabashed war criminal.

Pros: Unlike Mr. Nugent, Kissinger didn’t write a song about having sex with a 13-year-old girl.

G. Gordon Liddy

Cons: According to Wikipedia, “organized and directed the burglary of the Democratic National Committee headquarters in the Watergate building in May and June 1972.”

Pros: Liddy never allegedly shit his pants to avoid getting drafted into the Vietnam War while at the same time playing himself up as a super patriotic rock star who loves the troops. Ted Nugent, on the other hand…

Abdel Fattah el-Sisi

Cons: Egypt’s military dictator murdered 800 protestors in a single day.

Pros: He did not call Barack Obama a “subhuman mongrel.”

John Wayne Gacy

Cons: Murdered 33 people.

Pros: Technically, the above photo of Gacy and First Lady Rosalynn Carter wasn’t taken at the White House, so Nugent wins by default.

Final Conclusion

None of the aforementioned figures adopted a 17-year-old girl in order to marry her. Nugent wins by default.