Vice President’s Job Now Basically To Behave Like An Apprentice Contestant

(Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images)

Sometime between his sixth corporate bankruptcy and his election as leader of the free world, Donald Trump established a new personal brand: getting famous people to pull stunts on national television. His medium for this, of course, was Celebrity Apprentice.

Maybe the televised stunts involved Dennis Rodman selling tickets on the street to Cirque du Soleil. Maybe they meant Khloe Kardashian making semi-pornographic promo videos for All Detergent. The point was that it was famous people humiliating themselves on camera for Trump’s amusement, and there was a lot of money involved.

Now nearly nine months into his presidential term and lacking the popularity he enjoyed in his Apprentice days, Trump has sought to stir things up and find a personal prop worthy of Rodman’s and Kardashian’s legacies.

And it appears he finally has found such a prop: Vice President Mike Pence.

Pence, of course, haughtily and televise-edly stormed out of Sunday’s 49ers/Colts game in a patriotic huff, outraged that NFL players would kneel to draw attention to systemic racism and police brutality. He left the stadium within minutes, making sure to be “caught” on camera while doing so.

Which is exactly the way that his boss had scripted it.

The president quickly took to Twitter to claim credit for his vice president’s televised behavior, just as he claimed credit when Poison lead singer Bret Michaels triumphed in Celebrity Apprentice Season Nine. Michaels, it should be noticed, defeated runner-up Holly Robinson Peete… the wife of a prominent NFL player. It’s literally the same script!

So now Vice President Mike “Bret Michaels” Pence has won his boss’s affections, and much like an episode of Celebrity Apprentice, a ton of money was involved. In this case, yours.

What comes next for Apprentice Pence is anyone’s guess. Maybe, like fellow Apprentice Rodman, he’ll be dispatched to North Korea. Maybe, like Apprentice Kardashian, he’ll receive money from Caitlyn Jenner. Or maybe, like fellow Apprentice Winner Michaels, he’ll treat himself to a heaping helping of some “Unskinny Bop.”

Which in Pence’s case means a light lunch with a woman other than his wife.