Trump Polling at Record High Among Voters Who Look Around Before Telling Joke

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Maintaining a strong lead over his fellow GOP presidential hopefuls, Donald Trump is currently polling at an all-time high among voters who cautiously look around before launching into a joke.

While Rubio and Cruz are in contention to take over Carson’s number two spot in the top tier of the Republican field, Trump continues to assert dominance among people who double-check to ensure someone of a specific ethnicity isn’t within earshot before firing off a wisecrack at their expense.

Up from a modest 30 percent in June, Trump now polls at a record high of 80 percent with guys at the bar who warily peek over both shoulders before whispering a punchline to you.

“My voter base will lead us to victory in 2016,” Trump assured. “Through my aggressive campaigning, I’ve been able to secure the votes of Constitutionalists, opponents of liberal America’s stranglehold on democracy, and every uncle who assures you he isn’t racist before unleashing a barrage of inflammatory one-liners about Hispanics.”

One Trump supporter, Rodney Peskoe, 29, told us he was a fan of Donald’s “straightforward, no-nonsense demeanor,” insisting the chances of Trump winning the presidency were “higher than the chances of a black guy— wait, hang on a sec” just before ushering us to a quiet corner of the club to finish his thought.