If you’re like me, you’re not really sweating the end of the world right now. Sure, it’s literally on everyone’s minds when they watch the news; but one way or another, it was always gonna happen, right? It was just a matter of timing.
For me, the real concern is the after-party. Who is preparing for that? As far as I can tell, NO ONE! So I’ve decided to step up and do the hard work no one else, apparently, could.
I’m planning the sickest after-party for the end of the world that the world will ever see ever. And if you want to do the same, you should follow my lead:
1. Pick the location
Location! Location! Location! That’s a thing people always say. The location needs to be HUGE. You want to fit as many people as possible because everyone will want to come if you follow my instructions. And make sure you pick a central location that is easily accessible. It’s really frustrating to go to a party in the middle of nowhere. You don’t want to be a dick.
2. Invite everyone—literally!
I mean, EVERYONE. Including your horrible boss, the annoying neighbor that is obsessed with your dog, and yes, even the crush you haven’t had the nerve to talk to yet. I know how fatalistic talking to a crush can be but just do it. What’s the worst that could happen? They say no and laugh in your face humiliating you in front of all your friends and loved ones? Who cares? The world is ending.
This one is a no-brainer. What else are you going to do with your money? Invest it wisely in a 401(k)? LOL.
4. Advertise the shit out of it
Make the dopest flyer ever (you could do a lot with the end of the world theme so be creative!) and post it EVERYWHERE. Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Insta, Tumblr, Reddit, even GooglePlus. Make it *the* after party for the end of the world. Fuck Chad’s party. Tell people celebrities are gonna be there. At that point, no one is gonna care about a few white lies.
5. Stay calm
So technically the world is ending during your party so you might be tempted to freak out from time to time. You gotta keep it together, though. No one wants to go to the party hosted by the girl who is endlessly screaming into the void. Don’t be a Debbie Downer.
6. Say goodbye to your loved ones
It’s probably a good idea to tell the people in your life that you love them and say goodbye. You have no idea when your party is gonna end so do it before the world collapses into itself.
The world is ending.