The FBI’s Wiretap of Paul Manafort’s Phone: 10 Things We Know For Sure

Paul ManafortRead
(Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images)

CNN is reporting that the FBI wiretapped former Trump for President chairman Paul Manafort before and after last year’s election. While unconfirmed, it would fit a pattern of investigations into Manafort’s ties to pro-Russian autocrats in Ukraine, and also despots in general.

While the transcripts have not been made public, here are 10 things we’re sure to learn from them.

  1. Manafort speaks Russian with a coarse New England accent.
  2. The Trump Organization charged him $1.99 a minute to make outgoing calls from their properties.
  3. Spent several months thinking Ivanka was the wife and Melania was the daughter.
  4. Regularly calls the National Weather Service hotline for the current temperature.
  5. Occasionally had to field calls from Candidate Trump pretending to be his own publicist.
  6. Is a longtime caller to WFAN and thinks the Jets should have drafted a quarterback.
  7. Is on a first name basis with Vladimir Putin, Rupert Murdoch, Kim Jong-Un, Dick Cheney, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, and the guy who played Hitler in Inglorious Basterds.
  8. Took a sales call from Conde Nast and is currently enjoying a 6 month trial subscription to Golf Digest.
  9. Once had really hot phone sex with Anthony Weiner.
  10. Mostly just on hold with the cable company.