THE DIG’s “Three-Martini Mailbag”: Hillary, Playboy & More

the digRead
(credit: Shutterstock)

TGIF! After a long week toiling in the pundit mines, it’s time to kick back, pour yourself a drink (or three), and ask The Dig your burning questions about politics. I’ll be your DJ this morning — this week we’re spinning Ted Nugent’s “Cat Scratch Fever” (or, as Dig Sr. would call it: “Hillary Fever”):

Now to the mailbag….

Will Ben Carson’s remarks about Jews and gun control help him or hurt him?

-Amanda in Maspeth, NY

Dr. Carson’s statement that the Holocaust was enabled by the Nazis disarming the Jews sparked a vigorous nationwide debate over how much blame the Jews should bear for the Holocaust. Polls show about 45 % of Republican voters hold German Jews responsible for not using their right to bear arms to stop Hitler’s rise to power. These are the Tea Party folks who want to send a convoy of armed truckers and bikers to Washington to perform a citizen’s arrest of Obama and Harry Reid. You just can’t win the nomination without their support, so common sense dictates that Carson was wise to give voice to their hysteria.

Bernie threw a “tantrum?” What debate were you watching? Bernie Sanders won in every post-debate poll. How much is Hillary paying you to write this drivel?

-Michael in Sioux Falls, SD

Brooklyn airlifts a $40 bottle of Hennessy to me each week. Which is more than your average Bernie Baby earns. You set me up for that one, Mike.

Dig, it made my day to see you’re doing these again. Being able to pick the brain of a political savant who’s like a living Library of Congress, now that’s what the internet was invented for… Pizza Rat notwithstanding!

As someone who has been front and center of every major election moment of the last 30 years, is there anything this go-around that would surprise you? 

-David “The Milk” Milkberg in Essex County, NJ

A looker like Sarah Palin with the common sense of Alan Simpson! But seriously, family court reform.

Jeb is sinking in the polls, and his most recent fundraising numbers were unimpressive. Is it time for him to press the panic button?

-Stuart in Chicago, IL

Keep in mind that with his family name and executive experience Jeb is still the GOP frontrunner. The polls just haven’t caught up with the laws of political gravity yet. But to seal the deal, Jeb will need to show some passion. I think he should borrow some fire from his wife. Jim Webb put his foreign-born wife front and center at this week’s debate, and the results speak for themselves.

Did The Dig catch Rand Paul’s livestream of an entire day on the campaign trail?

Felice in Plano, TX

If The Dig is going to spend 12 hours straight watching a live webcam, the person on the other end better be prettier and more open to suggestion than Rand Paul.

Dear Mr. Diggler,

I take issue with your ignorant and derogatory remarks about Lawrence Lessig. Professor Lessig is an accomplished academic with decades of experience teaching Constitutional Law. Far from your churlish depiction, he has an acute understanding of the crisis posed by unlimited campaign fu…

.. And it just keeps going on like that. Guys, don’t send me your thesis papers. This is The Dig’s “Three-Martini Mailbag,” not a graduate seminar in Slavoj Zizek! Sorry, Dietricha, but essays don’t win elections — style and fundraising win elections. Pour yourself another drink, because Lawrence Lessig is neither a role model nor a President.

What’s your take on the House GOP leadership crisis? I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Republicans so disorganized. Who should be Speaker? Who can be Speaker?

-Jeff in Simi Valley, CA

History tells us there’s no substitute for experience. That’s why I think the Republicans need to turn to the big guy, former Speaker Dennis Hastert. He’s a tested leader, having presided over the House for eight years. In fact, he was elected to the position to clean up the last GOP leadership mess. Hastert could easily win a special election for his old seat. The former wrestling coach knows a thing or two about roughhousing when needed, something crucial for any House leader.

A lot of people are focusing on some sex scandal involving the Illinois statesman, but I haven’t paid much attention to it. For one, show me a single one of us that has been the perfect husband. For the other, Hastert smooching a secretary or two come Christmas party season is hardly a reason to keep him from fixing his party.

[Dig’s note: ladies, please leave the room for this next one!]

Carl, with Playboy no longer publishing the art that is the female body, where can guys like us go for, ahem, anatomical studies?

-Jeff in Santa Monica, CA

Glad you asked, Jeff. For one, the debate this past Tuesday had no short supply of excitement. I think more ribs got elbowed when the camera generously turned to Dana Bash than in any other time in history.

If you’re in the market for a mag, though, I’m going to tell you to go with FHM or Stuff. But if you’re seeking something more highbrow for the classy gentleman, consider importing a UK publication such as Council Rumps, Lad’s Fancy, Snoggers, and Bottom. The one thing our friends across the pond have over us is in the freedom department is a more liberal attitude towards the display of the woman’s bosom in all media.

Carl “The Dig” Diggler has covered national politics for 30 years, and is the author of “Think-ocracy: The Rise Of The Brainy Congressman.” 

His “Three-Martini Mailbag” runs every Friday morning on Cafe.com.