Toys ‘R’ Us , an American shopping institution, has filed for bankruptcy protection. Where else will parents be able to buy Christmas gifts for their children, besides literally every website imaginable? Don’t worry, though, David A. Brandon, chairman and CEO of Toys ‘R’ Us, Inc., because I’ve got an easily implementable plan to save your company. I’m assuming you’re reading this article. You’ve got a lot of free time right now, I’m guessing, on account of the whole bankruptcy thing. Anyway, here it is, in one sentence:
Replace the backwards ‘R’ in your logo with the backwards ‘R’ from the Korn logo.
Seriously, it’s that simple.
What’s the biggest problem facing Toys ‘R’ Us? Their target market keeps growing up. Kids get older and no longer want to buy toys. They want to seem cool and adult, and what’s more cool and adult than nu-metal icon Korn? That’s right: nothing. Okay, maybe cigarettes.
Hell, you could even go as far as replacing your dumbass giraffe mascot Geoffrey with Korn frontman Jonathan Davis. Not even a cartoon version of Jonathan Davis – just straight up Jonathan Davis. Picture this: it’s the holiday season, and you desperately need kids to ask their parents for toys. What better way to convince children than by having Jonathan Davis scream “YOU LITTLE FREAKS BETTER ASK SANTA FOR A HATCHIMAL!” at them?
Korn has never been more popular than they are now in 2017 (don’t ask me for evidence, I’m speaking from the heart). If the fine folks at Toys ‘R’ Us want to save their business, this is the only way to do it.
You could also use the ‘S’ from the Slipknot logo.