CAFE’s Pros & Cons of Bernie Sanders’ Universal Healthcare Plan

Bernie SandersRead
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Shortly before this week’s Democratic debate, presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders released his detailed plan for universal healthcare. The plan, dubbed Medicare for All: Leaving No One Behind, is being lauded by supporters and written off as a costly fantasy by his more discerning critics. Let’s take a look at the upsides and downsides to the Vermont senator’s plan.


– Patients can receive coverage even with pre-existing conditions, such as epilepsy, arthritis, or a genetic disposition to gunshot wounds

– Each year, the average middle class family would be spared $5,000 in medical expenses and 30 minutes of Uncle Greg’s annual socialism rant

– Crowded waiting rooms will give you ample time to catch up on TIME Magazine’s biggest stories of 2013

– Free vision care, allowing you to more clearly spot impending tax hikes

– Without the burden of insurance procedures or malpractice liability, dentists can finally give undivided attention to shaming their patients  

– We could conceivably trick militant terrorist groups into thinking we’re Canada


– Breaking Bad will make little sense to future generations

– Universal healthcare is an infringement on every citizen’s God-given right to be circumstantially denied dialysis treatment

Our grandchildren will never know the speculative thrill that comes with increasingly steep monthly premiums

– No more special feelings of exclusivity, knowing you belong to an elite group of citizens that get to live if they’re sick

– WebMD will become obsolete and forced to rebrand itself as a dating website that facilitates communication between single people with hypochondria