Pluto Might Become a Planet Again Because Scientists Know We Need Some Good News

(Photo by NASA/APL/SwRI via Getty Images)

2017 has been a rough year so far. The White House offered racism for healthcare in a one-for-one swap. A Trump/Kim nuclear war may be on the horizon. The summer movie slate was remakes, sequels, and remakes of sequels. Lord knows we could all use some good news before the year is up.

Perhaps science has come to the rescue. That’s because a team from NASA’s New Horizons mission has proposed new definitions for what makes a planet — and if implemented, they’d let Pluto back into the club!

Pluto has always been the loveable pipsqueak of the solar system. The Ringo to its Beatles. The Samwell Tarly to its Winterfell. The parmesan croutons to its salad bar.

And for that reason, we people of Earth have always loved Pluto. If Pluto had a seat at the table with the Big Kid planets, there was hope for all of us in this big, biased world.

So when scientists took its Planet status away in 2006, it felt like a blow to every loveable loser down here on Earth. Suddenly Ringo got kicked out of The Beatles because he was decent but no John Bonham. Croutons got banned from the salad bar because while tasty, they didn’t have the calcium of spinach.

But that can all be wiped away if scientists do the right thing and restore Pluto’s planetary status. It’ll be a much-needed victory for all of the runts and pipsqueaks who were told they’d never amount to anything.

It’ll also be another candidate on the list of places to move after the Trump/Kim nuclear war.