Physicists Win Nobel Prize For Finding That Massive Forces Of Darkness Are Warping Everything Around Us – Also, Something About Black Holes

PASADENA, CA - OCTOBER 03: Barry C. Barish (L) and Kip S. Thorne attend a press conference at California Institute of Technology after receiving the 2017 Nobel Prize in Physics address a press conference at California Institute of Technology after receiving the 2017 Nobel Prize in Physics on October 3, 2017 in Pasadena, California.Thorne and Barish helped co-founder the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) which made the first-ever direct detection of gravitational waves, or ripples in the fabric of space and time, which had been predicted by Albert Einstein 100 years earlier. (Photo by David McNew/Getty Images)

A team of three scientists – Rainer Weiss from MIT, and Kip Thorne and Barry Barrish of Caltech – earned the prestigious Nobel Prize in Physics for their research on gravitational waves and how black holes affect space-time. Their research verifies Albert Einstein’s theories that space-time will warp, undulate, and ripple due to the influence of massive objects.

It also confirms everything that those of us who read the news already know about enormous concentrations of terrible darkness that suck all the light, life, and joy out of the universe: they have a tremendous impact on every damn thing. As we’ve seen here on Earth, unthinkable tragedies and colossally terrible figures have a gravitational pull, remaking everything around them with an awful, toxic force that sends ripples throughout the very fabric of space and time that you can always, always feel no matter how hard you try to escape and hide.

The same thing, apparently, happens in space. Neat!

The Nobel-winning team used complex technology involving lasers, mirrors, and sensors to detect gravitational waves – the term for these ripples in space-time. They can detect the effects of objects like black holes, which are large, dense pits of inescapable darkness that are capable of stretching and even tearing space-time. Cool, right? It’s the celestial equivalent of how months of brutal news can lead to crying in public, an inability to feel certain or safe, and abrupt break-ups. Though in comparison, the remoteness of space as a gently rippling blanket of unending quiet seems positively relaxing right now.

In 2015, Weiss, Thorne, and Barrish’s gravitational wave sensors detected the collision of two black holes and the waves that the event sent out. Since then, they’ve detected four more collisions and suspect that they may be able to detect other, still unknown events. Who knows what these undiscovered events might be? Could they be in any way analogous to the collisions of a massive, unquenchable ego and giant, unspeakable tragedies that seem to have ripped apart everything around us? Maybe!

Congratulations to the scientists on their well-deserved award for decades of hard work. If you need a new project, please help us figure out how to escape the black holes here on Earth.

Please. I need a good night’s sleep.