Owned! Unwanted Syrian Refugees Are Telling Starbucks Baristas Their Name Is “American Citizen”

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We see a lot of senseless oppression in our world today, be it the victims of a war launched by liberal America on our most time-honored holiday traditions or the victims of a civil war under the authoritarian regime of Bashar al-Assad. We are all refugees in our own way.

Earlier this month, Christians found themselves once again at the mercy of the political correctness machine when Starbucks replaced their traditional holiday cup pattern, dressed in traditional Judeo Christian symbols like the snowflake and Christmas tree, with a conversely Paganistic solid red.

To retaliate, Christian America flocked to their local Starbucks and told baristas their name was “Merry Christmas.” Checkmate.

Many people, including most running for the presidency, have offered vaguely xenophobic rhetoric that Syrian refugees pose a threat to our homeland security, and simply do not want them in America. But now, thanks to a viral video from Syrian Facebook personality Zaahir Badr Hakim, unwanted Syrians can fight back, joining Christians in our war against an oppressive society!

“America don’t want us? That’s how it’s gonna be?” Zaahir says in the Facebook video that reached 6 million views in just a week, shot on his phone in portrait orientation in his car. “I’m calling on all Syrian refugees to head to their nearest Starbucks. Order a latte. When the barista asks your name, tell them it’s this,” he continues, showing a Starbucks cup with “American Citizen” hastily scrawled on the side.

Ball game!

As the holiday season quickly approaches, we mustn’t forget those on foreign soil fighting battles just like the ones we fight here at home. We live in fear of witnessing firsthand the worldly secularization of our most trusted coffeehouse chain, robbed of our Christmas cheer every time we’re handed a $4.75 Venti Caramel Macchiato. Syrians, in a similar fashion, live in fear of having sarin gas dropped on them. Tomato, tomahto.