Mr. and Mrs. Barnswallow, thank you so much for coming in for this financial consultation. You’re both looking well. Now before we begin, Mrs. Barnswallow, I couldn’t help but notice the Everytown For Gun Safety pin on that beautiful handbag of yours.
I know it’s a sensitive time in the wake of the Las Vegas massacre, but if I might offer just a bit of professional advice:
Now is not the time to discuss gun control. As a financial professional, I’d actually argue that now is the time to invest in gun stocks.
Now Mr. and Mrs. Barnswallow, hear me out, please. I know that probably wasn’t what you were expecting to hear from a financial advisor that you see maybe twice a year, max — but that was actually my entire rationale for suggesting this meeting. I know this might sound a little odd, but the period following a mass shooting is a great time for gun stocks.
Is it a bit cynical? I admit that freely. But Mr. and Mrs. Barnswallow, it’s my professional obligation to provide you with the best investment advice I can, and the reality is that, here in America, gun stocks almost always spike right after a gun-fueled killing spree. The price just “shoots” right up, if you’ll forgive my insensitive pun. You won’t? Okay, fair enough.
See, after a mass shooting, gun enthusiasts reason that the carnage will inspire American legislators to ban the sale of automatic and semi-automatic rifles on the grounds that weapons of war have no purpose other than mass slaughter, so they should be removed from civilized society. Obviously this never happens, but I think you follow the logic.
Anyway I don’t want to get into politics. Personally, I’m not registered to vote and think they’re all a bunch of crooks. And when I say “they,” it’s non-specific. I don’t sweat the political details; I’m a money guy.
You don’t have to decide right now. Just think it over. But I will say that I could execute a quick purchase of a really robust mutual fund that includes holdings in Smith & Wesson, Glock, and Remington — a few great American companies that are posting numbers like it’s Newtown all over again.
Give it a day — but not too long, because we want to catch the wave — and give me a call.
Thoughts and prayers.