More Leaked Game of Thrones Episodes That We Just Made Up

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A recent HBO hack has resulted in major leaks that the network confirms “compromise proprietary information.” Among other things, hackers released the script of the next Game of Thrones episode and have promised that more GoT leaks are to come.

We got our hands on the leaked episode synopses, so here’s what we know is coming next on Game of Thrones:

“The One With the Bird Watching”

Ravens, ravens, ravens! Bran won’t stop bragging about his new after school bird-watching club, and the other kids are getting sick of it! But when Bran wargs into Winterfell’s biggest bully, they all learn an important lesson about kindness.

 

“The Dog Days of Winter”

Arya really, really, REALLY wants a new direwolf … but does she understand the responsibility it takes? Her dad, the Ghost of Ned Stark, gives Arya a chance to prove herself by taking care of an egg for a week. Featuring audience-favorite Ghost Ned Stark’s catch-phrase, “Come on, don’t lose your head!”

 

“Three Funerals at a Wedding”

Jon Snow is officiating the wedding of two Wildling friends: Orwell Somewon and Styr Gunnadie, but his best wolf coat has gone missing. Meanwhile, Orwell and Styr work on a wedding hashtag, eventually settling on #SomewonGunnadieWedding

 

“Tyrion Learns an Important Lesson”

Some woman goes through a harrowing, life-altering experience in order for some dude to realize something about something, who knows

 

“Free as Folk”

A horrifying new villain — in the vein of Joffrey and Ramsay — emerges: Stormult Reddragon, an opera singing tap-dancer with a vanity cane … who just happened to move into the apartment upstairs! Hilarity ensues (also your favorite character is killed).