It’s Actually Totally Normal To Call A Press Conference Where You Tell The World How Smart And Cool Your Boss Is

WASHINGTON, DC - OCTOBER 04: U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson delivers a statement at the State Department October 4, 2017 in Washington, DC. Tillerson denied recent news reports indicating an imminent resignation from his position. (Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images)

According to NBC News, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson reportedly referred to President Trump as a “moron” earlier this summer. This prompted a press conference from Tillerson in which he repeatedly stressed that his boss, Donald Trump, was incredibly smart and handsome.

This was apparently enough to satisfy Trump:

Personally, I’m tired of hearing how “weird” or “uncomfortable to watch” or “incredibly strange” it is that the Secretary of State was “forced” to hold a press conference in which he kissed Trump’s ass and told the world how great he was. There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s quite charming. Allow me to explain.

It’s actually good when you say your boss rules and kicks major ass. Here’s why:

Reason number one: It makes your boss happy.

Reason number two: It demonstrates to other potential future bosses that you love making your boss happy.

Reason number three: It will help your self esteem, because your boss will be happy, which means you will also be happy.

Reason number four: You probably won’t get fired for a thing that you didn’t actually say in the first place, for sure.

Reason number five: If you say your boss is smart and handsome, he might help you become smart and handsome too.

Pretty simple stuff. Rex Tillerson did nothing wrong. In fact, I’m quite impressed with his composure. Yes, technically he never actually denied calling Trump a “moron.” That’s besides the point. Let’s move on. He said he was very smart and determined, and that’s good enough for me.

Let me just emphasize once again: this was not a press conference called by a man desperate to keep his powerful high-paying job. This was a press conference called by a man who unconditionally loves his boss, which is totally normal and not unsettling at all.