It’s gonna be tough to top this one.
Tim Walberg, a Republican congressman from Michigan, held a town hall last week. At that town hall, he stated the following:
I believe there’s been climate change since the beginning of time. I believe there are cycles. Do I think man has some impact? Yeah, of course. Can man change the entire universe? No. Why do I believe that? As a Christian, I believe that there is a creator in God who is much bigger than us. And I’m confident that if there’s a real problem, he can take care of it.
Ah, yes. When it comes to humanity’s problems, God has definitely not been shy about helping out. Let’s take a look at another time he decided to pitch in and lend a hand.
The Lord then said to Noah, “Go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation. Take with you seven pairs of every kind of clean animal, a male and its mate, and one pair of every kind of unclean animal, a male and its mate, and also seven pairs of every kind of bird, male and female, to keep their various kinds alive throughout the earth. Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made.”
So God’s solution to the problem of humanity being selfish pricks was, uh, a gigantic natural disaster that killed everyone. This is sort of ringing a bell, but I can’t quite figure out why. I’m trying to connect the dots to our current-day situation here. Oh well. No lessons to be learned here. I’m sure God will sort it all out and we’ll be fine.
Just to be safe, let’s examine another time God intervened in a climate-related manner.
Therefore, at this time tomorrow I will send the worst hailstorm that has ever fallen on Egypt, from the day it was founded till now. Give an order now to bring your livestock and everything you have in the field to a place of shelter, because the hail will fall on every man and animal that has not been brought in and is still out in the field, and they will die.
Bad ass. I mean, not if you died in the fiery hailstorm, but whatever. It’s still cool as hell. Let’s look on the bright side: we’re all going to die, but at least it’ll be in an extremely metal fashion.