I Can’t Believe This 2015 List Of The 50 Best Conservative Blogs Is Actually Real

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Before we get started here, let me preface this by saying that all of these blogs are real. I didn’t make up any of them – even “Weasel Zippers.” Last night, I found a 2015 Newsmax list of the Top 50 Conservative Blogs of 2015. Naturally, I had to investigate – little did I know, however, of the dangers on the road ahead.

Things started out normal enough, with the blogs of conservative luminaries such as Glenn Reynolds, Michelle Malkin, and Erick Erickson topping the list. Then it got weird. Really weird. “Weasel Zippers” weird. Again, a quick reminder: all of these are real.  

Protein Wisdom

 Lapsed Colorado literary scholar Jeff Goldstein has been called the wittiest presence on the Web. His “Brief Conversations With Inanimate Objects,” for instance, have included black comedy exchanges with “Barack Obama’s basketball,” “Eric Holder’s soul,” and “the ghost of raped and murdered U.S. ambassador to Libya, Christopher Stevens.”

There’s a 50% chance the guy writing that description incorrectly used the term “black comedy” but had it work out anyway.

 

Pirate’s Cove

Blogmeister “William Teach” uses pinup photos to lure readers in, and there’s no shortage of amusement here, like his long “Things I do not understand” list, beginning with “Women” and “Putting a turn signal on after using the brakes.”

Everything about this sentence is art.

Sister Toldjah

With a name like that it has to be good.

No it doesn’t.

Weasel Zippers

The commentary is often brief, like WZ’s post after MSNBC’s Chris Matthews accused Republican senators writing to Iran’s rulers of a racist motive: “It’s truly amazing, these guys have a never-ending supply of race cards,” said the blog.

“Where were you when Weasel Zippers absolutely nailed Chris Matthews?” will be our generation’s “Where were you when JFK got shot?”

Chicks on the Right

When they start holding blogger beauty contests, Daisy and Mockarena would win hands down, and it’s pretty clear from the photos of themselves on the site that they know it.

Mockarena? MOCKARENA?

Wizbang

“Focused on news, politics, and entertainment,” Wizbang pairs with Wizbang Pop! and thus brings in a younger, more hip crowd to its original content and conservative commentary. When close Obama aide Valerie Jarrett recently promised “to stay until the lights go off,” Wizbang, on cue, quoted the late Robert Palmer’s 1980s MTV favorite, “Addicted to Love” — “The lights are on, but no one’s home!”

Because nothing says “younger, more hip” like a Valerie Jarrett/Robert Palmer joke.

The Jawa Report

In spite of the name, “Star Wars” isn’t what this site is all about, but rather the war on American freedoms.

I’m done. We’re done here. Thanks, everyone. We’re done.