I Can Easily Come Up With Ten Ideas Better Than Elon Musk’s Hyperloop, No Problem


Silicon Valley billionaire Elon Musk set Twitter abuzz this morning, with the announcement that his Hyperloop project has reportedly received government approval.

Personally, I’m not impressed. The Hyperloop is basically just a fast car in a tunnel, and guess what? They already have that. It’s called a fast car inside a tunnel. In fact, I guarantee I can come up with ten ideas better than the Hyperloop just within this article alone, and I’m going to do that, right now, in this article. Okay. Here goes. Here are ten better ideas than the Hyperloop, by Stefan (me).

Idea 1: A gun with some kind of lock on it.

Simple enough. The lock would “lock” the bullets in the gun, preventing it from being used – unless you had the key, in which case you could “unlock” the bullets.

Idea 2: A fridge with some kind of lock on it.

On a diet? The FridgeLock (working title) will stop you from eating food. Only downside: the food has to be inside the fridge. The FridgeLock will not work on pantries.

Idea 3: A pantry with some kind of lock on it.

The logical next step up from the FridgeLock. It just makes sense.

Idea 4: Wireless cube

Pretty much speaks for itself. Moving on.

Idea 5: “HyperCar”

This is basically like a regular car, except it’s way faster and it requires fingerprint recognition to change the radio station.

Idea 6: “Orange HyperCar”

HyperCar, but orange. Boom. Next.

Idea 7: A smartphone with a camera on the side

At long last you will be able to take a picture of the inside of a narrow crevice.

Idea 8: The Pee Pee Sink, a combination urinal/sink

All great inventions save time: the Pee Pee Sink is no different.

Idea 9: A drink can that you have to open with a bottle opener

This is sort of piggybacking off the popularity of bottles that have to be opened with bottle openers. People like a challenge, and this can will provide them with one.

Idea 10: Dentist Murder

It should be legal to kill your dentist.