You may know one. They may sit next to you in the cafeteria during lunch, blabbering on and on about Serena Williams being a bully. Maybe they share a vegetable co-op with you, or help you choose date outfits at H&M. Shoot, they may even be ya’ boo, or end up next to you during seat placements at Thanksgiving. Racists come in multiple shapes and sizes and hardly ever wear signs on their shirts.
Luckily, there are usually some very clear indicators. They might shout “I hate black people!” at Whole Foods when the line is too long. Or mutter, “thug” under their breath when a five year-old walks by clutching a Power Ranger too tight (because that could definitely be a gun). But maybe, you just need a little help filtering out the racists from the non-racists. Perhaps you’re questioning why you like your co-worker Tyrone. Is it because he’s nice or because you want him to teach you how to dunk? So, we’ve compiled a nice little list to help you check for any racists that might be lurking near the office coffee maker…
1. “Listen, I Have Black Friends…”
This is header one in the “I am racist” section of the “How To Be a Racist” tool guide. If you’ve said this even once, you may be a racist on-the-low. It could have been in private with your friends. You may have seen a watermelon seed near a black person and tapped your friend to giggle a little. No harm, I like watermelon. But, if you’ve had to list all your black friends in defense of something you said during a meeting or at breakfast with family – you may have been bit by the racist bug. Now you gotta go home and watch a hundred episodes of Martin and bathe in African black soap and preorder a copies of Malcolm X for you and all your racist buddies
2. “Why Can’t I Say the N Word?”
3. You Defended #Charlottesville.
4. “Who, Me? Oh, I Don’t See Color…”
5. You Voted for Trump.
I would sound very crazy. Crazy like a racist.