Hollywood Gives Itself an Oscar for Being Less Racist Than the Early 1960s

Chris Rock OscarsRead
(credit: Getty)

At Sunday night’s Oscars ceremony, host Chris Rock bailed the Motion Picture Academy out of its two-year-long boycott of black actors by placing Hollywood’s current-day racism in an oddly forgiving historical context.

“Is it ‘burning cross racist’? No. Is it ‘fetch me some lemonade racist’? No. It’s a different type of racist,” the host of the 88th annual Oscars said. “Hollywood is ‘sorority racist.’ It’s like, we like you Rhonda, but you’re not a Kappa.”

Historians agree that makes it less racist than the GOP primary, which is bordering on “University of Oklahoma SAE racist,” yet more racist than the 1936 summer Olympics in Berlin, since a black man actually won an award there.

But the celebration of the motion picture industry’s best and brightest not only continued the liberal tradition of mostly pretending to be racially tolerant, it also took a serious stand on two of the biggest issues of the day – child rape and climate change.

Spoiler: They’re against them.

Spotlight, the story of a years-long investigation into the conspiracy to cover up an epidemic of child abuse committed by priests in Boston’s Catholic church over decades, won Best Picture for its fantastic ensemble, stirring reverence for the nobility of local journalism and inspired decision to mostly avoid depicting Boston accents.

After a half dozen nominations and a few thousand threesomes, Leonardo DiCaprio finally won the trophy for his performance in The Revenant, which depicts his failed romance with a bear.

His acceptance speech took on global warming in language that was direct and obviously written by the conspiracy of the Chinese, Prince Charles and billionaire climate scientists who want us to believe that it’s bad or something that we set a new record for the hottest month on record every month.

He sought to make clear that carbon pollution doesn’t just threaten untold drought, famine and disease, it also threatens the most important thing human beings do together as a species – movies starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

“Making ‘The Revenant’ was about man’s relationship to the natural world, the world that we collectively felt in 2015 as the hottest year in reported history — our production needed to move to the southern tip of this planet just to be able to find snow,” DiCaprio said. “Climate change is real. It is happening right now. It’s the most urgent threat facing our entire species and we need to work collectively together and stop procrastinating.”

Now that Hollywood has fixed racism, child abuse and the environment, we can get back to the real reason many people watch movies – escaping that stuff.