I like to think that I was born to ruin fantasy football mock drafts. For several years now I’ve been searching in vain for the perfect player to pick first overall to piss off football nerds. Aaron Hernandez came the closest, but for some reason he’s not in the available pool this season. The type of player that I’ve been striving to find has to have stoked some kind of off-field controversy. He doesn’t necessarily have to be a terrible player, but he definitely has to be low enough on the depth charts to provoke ire when he gets picked way too early. Ideally, the player in question will either be retired or an unsigned free agent.
Enter Colin Kaepernick.
Picture the average dude who would get really pissed off if you ruined his mock fantasy football draft. Is that guy going to be a fan of Colin Kaepernick, or a fan of the police? If you said “the type of guy who would get mad about a mock draft probably owns multiple Blue Lives Matter t-shirts,” congratulations! You nailed it.
Please enjoy the results of my hard labor.*
*Entering mock drafts every 5 minutes or so, picking a specific player first overall, and then leaving as soon as somebody says something funny.