Harvey Weinstein Touches Himself in Front of Women Because He’s From the ‘60s, Okay?

(Photo by Albert L. Ortega/Getty Images)

Mega-producer Harvey Weinstein has been fired from the entertainment company he co-founded, upon revelations that he engaged in serial sexual assault — including coerced nude massages and some auto-erotic hand exercises in front of female colleagues.

But don’t worry, because Weinstein has a simple explanation for this behavior: He’s from the ‘60s.

“I came of age in the 60′s and 70′s, when all the rules about behavior and workplaces were different. That was the culture then,” Weinstein wrote in a statement to the New York Times.

In other words, Weinstein masturbated in front of female colleagues for the same reason that your parents and all other Baby Boomers masturbate in front of their female colleagues: the ‘60s, baby!

Now are you skeptical that, just like Harvey Weinstein, your parents have summoned Ashley Judd to their hotel rooms and asked her to watch them shower? Well guess what? They have.

You’ve been blissfully ignorant, but remember: they came up in the ‘60s in the ‘70s. It’s time for you to face the truth about them, and everyone else who got their start between 1960 and 1979. Also, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny aren’t real. Sorry kids.

Basically, when surveying the vastness of Weinstein’s sexual harassment and assaults, the most important thing to understand is that he’s not personally responsible, and he’s certainly not alone. Everyone who came of age in the ‘60s and ‘70s is complicit, and the sooner you understand that, the sooner you can get back to watching Teaching Mrs. Tingle without reservation (other than the reservations that come with watching any objectively bad movie).

And if you want to get all self-righteous about a lifetime of predatory sexual harassment, take it up with your mom and dad, okay?