Eight Reasons Why God Could Be Mad At Bill O’Reilly, Based On The Ten Commandments

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Human manifestation of resentment (and former Fox News host) Bill O’Reilly said last Monday that he’s “mad at God” for allowing women to accuse him of sexual harassment. (Insert Rihanna looking incredulous gif here.) I get being mad at God when bad things happen to good people — like a natural disaster killing hundreds, or a random act of murder killing your loved one. But serial allegations of sexual harassment? Nah, that’s on you, boo.

In fact, in this back-and-forth between O’Reilly and the Almighty, it’s probably God who has the best case for being pissed. After all, O’Reilly is looking at a series of broken commandments — out of the, you know, ten that God specifically asked him to follow. Below is a non-comprehensive list of the Lord’s commandments that O’Reilly ran afoul of on his Tour of Bad Behavior:

Having other gods before Him and making idols

O’Reilly’s ego is so big it breaks two commandments at once. You can watch his show to see what I’m talking about, but here’s just one example of many showcasing this man’s audacity: after being accused of capitalizing on the tragedy of 9/11, O’Reilly told the son of a man killed during the attacks of September 11, 2001,“I’ve done more for the 9/11 families by their own admission…I’ve done more for them than you will ever hope to do, so you keep your mouth shut.” Not great.

Bearing false witness

In addition to refuting the accounts of six women who’ve accused him of sexual harassment (#believewomen), going after reporters who report anything negative about him, and claiming that most violent crime is done by young black men, his “history” books have been accused of blatant and repeated acts of revisionism. Also not great.

He’s also a fan of victim-blaming. In August 2006, O’Reilly suggested a young woman was partly to blame for her murder and rape because of her clothes and alcohol level. “She was 5-foot-2, 105 pounds, wearing a miniskirt and a halter top with a bare midriff,” said O’Reilly. “Now, again, there you go. So every predator in the world is gonna pick that up at two in the morning.”

Coveting and committing adultery

Another two-for-one! Most of the sexual harassment accusations O’Reilly settled for millions of dollars occurred during his marriage.

Keeping the Sabbath holy

We don’t have the data on this, but odds are pretty good that O’Reilly sinned at least a couple of times on a Sunday.


Honoring your father and your mother

Breaking all these commandments probably isn’t making mom and dad feel proud.

Not understanding comedy

Not a commandment, but, Lord, it probably should be.