Dear Rosie O’Donnell: Please Start Another Fight with Donald Trump So He’ll Forget About Ruining America

Read
(Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

Dear Rosie O’Donnell:

As you know better than anyone, Donald Trump is out of control. He has called for a ban on all Muslims entering the country, labeled his supporters “passionate” for beating up a Black Lives Matter activist, does not want to “allow” Syrian refugees to enter the U.S., and also now wants to “close up” the internet. He has gone too far.

Despite his often ridiculous and terrible statements, no one seems to be able to slow him down. Not even the Republican Party can muster up enough strength to rein him in. They clearly lack your strength and courage.

Ever since you mocked Trump on “The View,” you’ve been one of his favorite people to insult. For example, this lovely tweet:

In fact, he loves insulting you so much that he uses you to insult others:

So this got us thinking: What if you, Rosie, are the one person Trump can’t get out of his head, the one person whose mere existence just gets under his skin and causes him blackout rage? This would mean that you’re the only person on earth with the power to stop him. You’re the Harry Potter to Trump’s Voldemort.

If you choose to accept your fate, here is your mission: start picking on him. Go on “The View” and imitate his comb-over again, use his beloved Twitter to launch insults in his direction, declare him a lunatic on MSNBC. The idea is he’d be so incensed by your national presence that he’d start dedicating all his speeches to condemning your existence. Which would mean his campaign would start to break apart. He’d lose focus; his desire to win the presidency would be replaced with his desire to call you a loser. It would be glorious.

We know it’s a lot to ask of from one person. You’re going to receive a lot of hate and mean @ replies in return for your sacrifice, but we have faith in you. You have a real chance here to save America from making a terrible mistake.

Help us Rosie O’Donnell, you may be America’s greatest hope.