Chipotle’s Dilemma: The Stuff With E. Coli Just Tasted Better

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Chipotle is in the midst of yet another image makeover. Out with the E. coli tainted burritos and tacos. In with revamped menus and something the corporate office is calling “queso.”

The problem? Turns out the E. coli tasted a lot better.

CNN reports that customers have called the new dip “a crime against cheese” (which, incidentally, is the police code for an assault on Michael Bublé). Other descriptors include “gritty,” “like crayons,” and “a pungent, veggie-speckled cheese soup.”

There are a few possible explanations for Chipotle’s current menu woes. One is that despite all the Spanish, diners are struggling to find the authenticity in a “queso” offered by five white guys in Denver named Ells, Crumpacker, Hartung, Garner, and Boatwright.

Another possible explanation? Maybe E. coli is delicious.

Yes, E. coli is a harmful microbe commonly found in human excrement. But the plain fact is that it was unofficially on Chipotle’s menu for years, and people dined there religiously. Now it’s gone – replaced by one of the first 20 words a guy from Denver would find in a Spanish language phrasebook – and suddenly people don’t want to dine at Chipotle anymore.

Let this be a warning to McDonalds before they make a huge mistake and pull the Listeria Sauce from the Big Mac.