Check Out How Unbelievably Terrible This Idea For Movie Theaters Is

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It came in just under the wire, but we’ve got a winner in our Worst Take of the Week contest:

Hey, here’s another solution: no.

If you want to talk during a movie, watch it at home. Hell, don’t even watch a movie at all. You know what you should do instead? Literally anything else that doesn’t involve sitting silently and watching a screen for two hours.

Here’s who should be allowed to talk during movies: the characters in the movie. Maybe the usher if there’s a fire or something, but even that’s a stretch.

When you go to the movies, you sign an unspoken social contract: you’re going to shut the fuck up, sit still, and enjoy the film. Simple enough, or so you would think. I mean, even little kids understand this concept.

You want to use your phone during the movie? Okay! Leave the theater. You can go play Angry Birds in the bathroom like a civilized adult. Are you constantly arriving to the movie after they explicitly tell you to shut your phone off? Maybe try getting there a bit earlier. You can use your phone during the fifteen car commercials in the preshow, then turn it the fuck off for an hour-and-a-half. If you can’t be away from your phone for that long, maybe sitting in a dark room and quietly staring at a screen isn’t the type of activity meant for you.

The people who want to talk during movies don’t need to be catered to like children. They should be ostracized, driven from society, and forced to live in the woods. If you want separate screenings, you should at least allow us to chain the doors shut and never let you out.