All good things must come to an end. Now that the Presidential debates are in the rear view mirror, we can take a moment to savor what an action-packed roller coaster ride of pure politics it was. From Donald Trump lending a hand to his lonely friend Sean Hannity to Hillary Clinton trying to poison the pool of jurors who will eventually decide her fate when she stands on trial for emailing Sidney Blumenthal, hundreds of millions of debate junkies were kept glued to their screen.
In a way, this has been a divisive election, and we can all feel grateful for the debates bringing us together. It’s the one show every American watches, a Super Bowl but about something more important than overpaid, Steroid-addled jocks hurtling a foot ball into the end zone. Everyone from Trump’s violent alt right supporters to the virile Hillary Men with triple parentheses around their Twitter handles to the frightening misogynist Bernie Bros gathered around the big screen together like in olden times to savor the Big Game. And afterwards, I know there was quite a few handshakes and hugs shared among them all, with cries of “Good game, old friend.” That’s the power of debates. Thank you, debates.
But now it’s the pundit’s time to shine. On this week’s episode of the Digcast I discuss the winners and losers of the 10 biggest moments of the Third Presidential debate. Have a listen:
Now on to your questions:
Howdy Dig Man!
I really feel for you. I watch you working so hard and getting so stressed out over the election that it seems like you barely have any time for yourself! You’re out there out-predicting Nate Silver and covering the debates and staying up late drinking dangerous amounts of alcohol at (feh) dive bars, if the information gleaned from your LiveJournal is accurate.
So I got to thinking: how could the Milk help his pal the Dig burn off some of that stress? Then it hit me! Elevators!
Digster, I owe you an apology. In my years of corresponding with you I never once invited you into the fantastic world of my hobby, Elevator Reviews.
You see, I’m kind of a big deal in the Elevator community. My Periscope channel @Thyssen_Krank, where I review some of the hottest and the nottest elevators around northern New Jersey, is blowing up bigtime, and I want to let you in on the “ground floor,” so to speak.
Picture this, Dig: it’s a bright and sunny day in late October. You hop on the diesel train to Essex County, and we walk the 5.6 blocks from the station to the NJ Bank Parking Garage. On the way, we’re ‘scopin’, cracking jokes for the viewers, talking about our favorite Dover elevator fails. Then we sneak past Roger (meanspirited security guard who is likely on the Otis payroll) to the Red Elevator Bank, smash that Up button, then ride that bad boy all the way to the fifth floor, along the way carefully timing the sequence of floors (as a bonus, you can be in charge of the Omega!).
And hey, if that’s not your bag, we can always take a ride on the Essex County Best Western Conference East elevator or, for a laugh, hit up the pathetic and inefficient Otis elevator in the Montclair Industrial Park. We could even try to swoop some fly elevator honeys at the airport. (I know how lonely you are, also from the LiveJournal.) The top floor is the limit for two young alpha elevator males like us.
So what do you say, Dig?
David “The Milk” Milkberg in Essex Co., NJ
First of all — FIRST OF ALL — you are NOT to access my PRIVATE LiveJournal. I can only assume you found the password through illicit means, such as the wikiLeaks documents or Deep Web. This is ILLEGAL and I demand you secure my LiveJournal by deleting the password from your hard drive.
Second of all, I am a VETERAN POLITICAL REPORTER in the home stretch of an historic election. I do not have time to go gallivanting to New Jersey to ride some elevators with you so that my massive celebrity can earn your little Snapchat channel some more followers. The leader of the FREE WORLD is at stake, and millions of voters depend on me to explain the winners and losers of the week to them. Imagine if instead of explaining Donald Trump’s latest viral fail I started discussing elevator speeds and something called “Thyssen Krupp.” They would be baffled and frightened.
Is your brain full of insects, David? Why on EARTH would riding an elevator be a leisure activity?
Henceforth you are hereby forbidden from:
- Reading my LiveJournal
- Inviting me to ANY elevator-related activity
- Discussing elevators in ANY context
- Maintaining an elevator-related Periscope channel
- Being concerned about my work-life balance
Am I understood?
Carl “The Dig” Diggler has covered national politics for 30 years and is the host of the Digcast, a weekly podcast on iTunes and Soundcloud. Got a question for the Dig? E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org or Tweet @carl_diggler.