CARL DIGGLER’S FRIDAY MAILBAG: A New Podcast & Even Better, A New Cold War!

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On today’s Digcast we take a little break from politics (just a little one, I swear!!) to mark tonight’s kickoff of the 2016 Olympic games. My guest is fellow radio host PFT Commenter, a sporpsball liker who seems to think debate-team wonks can’t be alpha males. Needless to say the Dig tries to convince him otherwise. Listen to see who wins this epic battle:

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Now on to your questions:

Carl, your characterization of the Russian people as a bunch of a rude, sociopathic people was sheer propaganda. What is your motivation in bringing about a second Cold War? Why are we casting this nation as our greatest foreign threat, simply over some NATO issue?

Jeremy Gumm in Eden Prairie, Minnesota

Alright Noam Chumpsky, why don’t you take a step back? The Cold War was terrific. Have you ever seen “Mad Men”?

If you haven’t, you’re robbing yourself. It’s a powerful period piece about how the constant threat of nuclear war and international gamesmanship created at atmosphere appropriate for men to act like men. If you think you can die at any second, you’ll have that third martini, you’ll flirt with that secretary, and you’ll close that big account.

Second of all, I simply think we’re better off when the United States and Russia are competitors on the global stage because it helps build a consensus. By having two opposing sides, be they turning South Yemen into an impact crater or fighting an bizarre semi-covert war in Ukraine, you have the opportunity to find a truth in the middle.

If Russia and the US take a load off at the end of the day, have a beer, and say, “Hey, we’re just countries, you may want to glass the surface of Tehran and you may want to put polonium in Tayyip Erdogan’s raki, but we can surely find some compromise.”

And friends, if it’s good enough for Henry Clay, it’s good enough for the United States of America and the Russian Federation.

With Trump endorsing Paul Ryan’s primary opponent, what, if anything, can keep the tumultus RNC together?

Karen Gadot in Central Islip, New York

Paul Ryan has nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, he groveled and endorsed Trump after holding out, as most people predicted he was too weak-willed and cowardly to do otherwise. Yes, Donald Trump utterly humiliated him by endorsing a primary challenger for the sitting Speaker of the House even after he acquiesced. Yes, he completely abandoned his principled stand for absolutely nothing.

But even a moment of courage is worth condemnation, and we should not laugh at the only man in Congress with bold Social Security desires. Chin up, Paul, this cannot get too much worse.

Carl, I’m no fan of Trump, but when I see hashtags like #DiagnoseTrump and #DrumpfMentalHealthFail, I can’t help but wonder if it’s ableist to mock him for a supposed mental illness.

Jayceon Cushion in Wichita, Kansas

I love hashtag games as much as the next man (don’t get me started on #ThingsPartisanPeopleDo), but as a sufferer of many chronic medical conditions from Habsburg Diarrhea and Osmotic Bladder, I consider myself a disabled American. I will not participate in games that marginalize Donald Trump for any perceived mental illness. He may be a Russian deep state operative, unstable, nuts, psychological, and insane, but he does not have any mental health ailment we can diagnose him with.

Olá, Dig! It sure has been tough week for the two of us, what with you getting dumped by your webcam girlfriend after buying out her entire Amazon wishlist and me getting banned from the Vocativ comment section by a FASCIST moderator who frankly cannot handle the truth about Pokemon GO developer Niantic’s unsavory ties to the Otis Elevator Company.

That’s why I think you and me need a little recharge. I propose we put our personal spin on How Stella Got Her Groove Back. Call it “How The Dig & The Milk Got Their Groove Back… In Rio!!

Picture it, Dig man. Us two alpha males swooping fly honeys on the beach all day then partying all night like rockstars with athletes and diplomats. That’s just the shot we need to get our T levels soaring, don’t you think?

Dig, I have two train tickets to Brazil on the Intercontinental Railroad plus an AeroBNB all booked up in one of Rio’s trendiest favelas. While I couldn’t get tickets to the Olympic games themselves, I have a balcony and a binocular eyehole with your name on it — we won’t be missing a second of Rhythmic Gymnastics action! So what do you say? Pack your bags and meet me at the Passaic, NJ Port Authority at Midnight and we’ll be off on the trip of a lifetime!

David “The Milk” Milkberg in Essex Co., NJ

David,

What broken neuron in your feeble brain made you think I would be willing to sit on a train to Rio de Janeiro for the next 96 hours with you, so that I could bunk with you in a slum and probably get shot by a violent criminal at a foreign nightclub, which is nothing more than a hotbed of drug use and gun running where the music is dangerously and unacceptably loud. Furthermore, I have not been “dumped.” You cannot be “dumped” while in the Tinder messaging stage of a relationship. You would know this if the opposite sex weren’t categorically repulsed by you. Finally, my T-levels are fine, and I command you to stop speculating otherwise. Do not contact me regarding “rhythmic gymnastics” ever again.

Carl “The Dig” Diggler has covered national politics for 30 years and is the host of the Digcast, a weekly podcast on iTunes and Soundcloud. Got a question for the Dig? E-mail him at carl@cafe.com or Tweet to @carl_diggler.