The smartest names in conservative politics have finally found their champion.
The men behind the failed efforts of John McCain, Mitt Romney, and Jeb Bush to capture the White House have spent the past three months hunting for a similarly virile independent candidate who could appeal to conservatives disaffected by Donald Trump’s white nationalism and harassment of their wives.
David French, Larry Craig, Dennis Hastert — all of these heavy hitters said no, they didn’t have the stomach for an uphill battle where they’d be cyberbullied and called a “cuck” by Trump’s frog picture-obsessed internet trolls. But then, 24 filing deadlines later, just as all hope seemed lost, a literal knight in shining armor rode to #NeverTrump’s rescue:
Singled out by the brilliant bald men who go on Real Time With Bill Maher to sigh, McMullin is everything that voters love. He is a former CIA officer who does TED Talks and worked for Goldman Sachs. McMullin is a war hero as comfortable “disrupting” the latest app as he is disrupting Syrian warlords. At the tender age of 40, he is one of the youngest Republicans alive, and someone who can communicate with Millennials disaffected by the two party system.
McMullin might just have the political skills and the resume to unite the various #NeverTrump factions, from Target Bathroom-obsessed National Review intellectuals to the bloodthirsty War Dads to the Bush-era neoconservatives whose top issue is disbanding the Hague.
To get a better handle on McMullin’s career in intelligence, I emailed my father, Col. John Diggler. Col. Dig Sr. is a longtime veteran of the U.S. intelligence community, and he offered a personal insight into McMullin’s character:
Subject: Re: McMullin+Colby’s Quince?
McMullin is a falcon in a world of eagles. Strong instincts on the kill, but can
become too in love with the sight of his own talons. A lesson for you if you
ever discovered your own nature (NOT LIKELY). Went nuts on Operation
Jeroboam. Blood everywhere. Good man.
To your second query, boys do not have quinceaneras, so no, I will not be
attending. My stated grandson is not even 15 years of age.
Do not print this.
VIRTUS TENTAMINE GAUDET —- COL. DIGGLER
So yes, McMullin is a member of a secret society shrouded in secrecy and a dark past. But Mitt Romney paved the way for Mormons to run for the highest office in the land, and all it takes is a fresh faced/bulb headed young up and comer like McMullin to take up his mantle.
The former spook is also fluent in Arabic, which could peel away voters from the Clinton ticket who are entranced with Tim Kaine’s ability to speak a foreign tongue. Arabic is reputedly more difficult than Spanish, as it employs a system of complicated lines that the reader must guess the phonetic sounds off. This alone should strike fear into the heart of Team Hillary as much as it does the Trump Train.
So buckle up! This election is far from over. If Evan McMullin and his cadre of McCain 2008 political mad scientists can rally the NATO Dads, Gitmo Moms, JDAM Uncles and other key national security voters blocks in hotspots like Casper, WY and Provo, UT, we could see this former spy come from spoiler candidate to legitimate contender.
It’s drama like this that makes me wish this election never ended!
Carl “The Dig” Diggler has covered national politics for 30 years and is the host of the Digcast, a weekly podcast on iTunes and Soundcloud. Got a question for the Dig? E-mail him at email@example.com or Tweet to @carl_diggler.