CAFE INVESTIGATES: Is it Spring?

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How to explain America’s last 4 record-breakingly warm months? Some might say the rising global temperature caused by our general disregard for the planet. But could it maybe be that winter is calling it a day and letting the more attractive spring take its place from here on out?

We created a checklist to determine whether or not spring has reared her beautiful face:

Has the first cherry tree blossomed? 👍
Has the FBI made its yearly attempt to get a major tech company to give them basically unrestricted access to users’ data? 👍👍
Does your dog spend a longer time than usual sniffing things? 👍
Has the frozen urine in your local public transportation station thawed enough to make you vomit a little in your mouth during your daily commute? 👍👍👍👍
Do you look at your significant other and think you can do better because fewer people are wearing sweaters? 👍👍👍
Have you felt the impulse to finally figure out who the f**k you’re voting for? 👍👍
Are there more people running in your neighborhood—making you irrationally angry? 👍👍👍👍👍
Do you subconsciously want to clean your apartment but decide against it because god only knows what’ll happen when you look in your utensil drawer? 👍👍
Do you find yourself subconsciously tipping less on Seamless because you feel that delivery people are getting to enjoy the outdoors? 👍
Are you sometimes happy? 👍