7 Bargains Almost as Good as the 93% Discount The Bundy Militia Receives On Its Land

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Ammon Bundy’s group of domestic terrorists are fighting the legitimacy of the federal Bureau of Land Management to own some public lands or to regulate their use.

According to fivethirtyeight.com, “the Bureau of Land Management’s fees for grazing cattle on public land are much lower than the fees charged by private landowners, and they’ve only become cheaper in recent years. In 2012, the bureau’s fees for grazing were 93 percent cheaper than the average market rate in 16 Western states.”

That’s a pretty great deal these angry protestors are getting. So we were wondering, what deals even come close to getting 93% off land you get to terrorize? Here are some candidates: 

1. A Lilly Pulitzer Women’s Carol Shift Dress for $140 (!!!!). Are you kidding! That’s a three-quarter-sleeve shift dress in leaf motif featuring a concealed back zipper and an 18-inch hemline for less than it costs to buy a fully automatic AR-15. Added bonus: it’s just as likely to allow you to make vague and ridiculous demands from the federal government.

2. The LG Watch Urbane for $200 today on eBay. That’s $150 less than its original selling price. That’s a good fu**ing deal for something that will alert you the next time a DMV is susceptible to an attack.

3. 20 critically-acclaimed Fox Searchlight Blu-rays in one $70 package. 500 Days of Summer and Garden State? If that doesn’t make YallQaeda ease the hell up and realize the virtue of true love and acoustic guitar-laden soundtrack, nothing will.

4. A Junya Watanabe N-3B Eskimo Moleskin Parka for $599 on Grailed. That’s less than 6 bills to cop the hottest piece ever by one of fashion’s foremost designers. Not to mention it has a great resale value so when you need to come up with bail, this could be the first thing to go.

5. TriggerPoint GRID Foam Roller with Free Online Instructional Videos for $30. This could help the Bundy militia stay  limber and run away from the FBI agents that are closing in on their location as we speak.

6. Tom Clancy’s The Division Pre-order for full price. Sure, paying full price doesn’t sound like a deal, but have you seen those trailers? It’s a white terrorist’s wet dream!

7. 100% off a t-shirt shot out of a cannon at the Daytona 500. What’s better than free? Nothing. Except freedom from getting a huge discount from that Kenyan-born Muslim President.