Bill Cosby wants to teach the next generation about the dangers of sexual assault.
Sorry, that’s where that sentence should have ended. What Bill Cosby actually wants to do is teach the next generation about the dangers of sexual assault ACCUSATIONS.
Yep, America’s worst dad — who ruined sweaters and Jello jigglers for an entire generation — is now trying to ruin learning, too. If we aren’t careful, he’ll probably form an entire Nightmare University, with course offerings that probably include …
1. Avoiding IRS Audits with Professor Al Capone (note: Doing a Bunch of Mob Murders 101 is a prerequisite for this course)
2. Earning Your Father’s Love: Panel (with rotating guest speakers Eric Trump, Tiffany Trump, and Barron whenever it’s a week that his existence isn’t politically expedient)
3. How to Just Be a Chill Clown, with Professor Emeritus John Wayne Gacy
4. History of Not Ruining Gray Sweatpants for the Rest of Us, with adjunct Professor and former Congressman Anthony Weiner. NOTE: Please bring ID; this class is not offered to students under the age of 18 (and is not recommended for women under the age of 50)
5. The Difference Between Faces and Necks, Which Are Two Different Things, with visiting Professor Mitch McConnell
6. How to Set Appropriate Expectations for Your Future Children’s Names with Dr. Beyonce (History of Names That Are Colors and the Names That Are Boring seminars are not required to take this course, but are strongly recommended)