The final Republican debate of 2015 is set to commence tonight on CNN. Start a political dialogue among friends, family, and colleagues by inviting them over for a viewing party! Here are some tips for hosting your get-together based on the candidate you’re most likely to vote for:
Jeb Bush: Prepare the buffalo chicken dip recipe that’s been in your family for decades, despite its long-standing history of crushing disapproval.
Rand Paul: If you serve a snack in one big bowl, remind your guests that washing their hands is a personal choice. Much like compulsory vaccination, mandatory hand-washing is an infringement on freedom and the decision should be left to the individual.
Carly Fiorina: Have a fabricated anecdote prepared for the arrival of each guest.
George Pataki: Oh no. Only one person RSVP’d to your party. Abort.
Ted Cruz: Prior to your party, oversee comprehensive research on your guests’ Facebook profiles. Scott mentioned he disliked olives in a status update from 2011. Bolster your approval from Scott by keeping this in mind while ordering pizza.
Donald Trump: Serve your guests a punch bowl of warm urine while wearing blackface. Wow. Your friends still like you. Unbelievable.
Ben Carson: Wow your friends by putting forth your theory that tortilla chips were used as shivs in the Mexican-American war.