As Donald Trump continues to amass a serious delegate lead in his quest for the GOP presidential nomination, we figured it was about time to help people figure out how to manage moving in with our less handsome but more stable neighbors up north.
Step 1: People are notoriously nice in Canada. So practice being nice by letting people walk in front of you on the street —even if they they take forf**kingever. (pro-tip: start saying sawry, like, at least once a day).
Step 2: Make sure your new address is Amazon Prime eligible because there are large swaths of land that are unpopulated—by people or Wal-marts. That means you’re not going to be able to buy a sleeve of peeps at 2:00 a.m., should the urge strike (and it will).
Step 3: Say it with us: “Hockey is not a sport, it’s a way of life—but it’s not a religion, because those are practiced privately in Canada.”
Step 4: Stop taking vitamins. Who needs an immune system when you have universal health care?
Step 5: Brush up on your differential calculus. You’re going to need it when you’re figuring out Canada’s weird-ass zip codes.
Step 6: Get ready to pirate more music. Canada has a cap of $5,000 penalty on file-sharing lawsuits and The Life of Pablo is worth it if only for Chance the Rapper’s verse on Ultralight Beam.
Step 7: Don’t worry if you don’t feel like standing for the Canadian national anthem. You won’t get bullied into it, primarily because there are no bullies in Canada and everyone kind of hates the song anyway.
Step 8: Figure out if you’re an indica or a sativa person. Canada is the first (and only) G7 country to legalize marijuana.
Step 9: Since this means you may be moving to Toronto, brush up on your Drake.