A Guide To Leaving Behind Ample Social Media Evidence About Your Upcoming Terrorist Attack

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There is a saying among jihadists that the only thing more satisfying than committing an act of terror is humiliating the FBI with the knowledge that they could have prevented it. The best way to do this is to use social media to promote your ideology. Remember, your clues must be subtle enough to go undetected up until the attack, but obvious enough that the FBI look like complete idiots afterwards.

It turns out the San Bernardino shooters were probably not linked to a jihadist organization, nor did they actively promote jihad on social media, but that’s their mistake! Don’t let those novices stop you from dropping bread crumbs hinting at your involvement with a terrorist attack. Here’s how:

Follow ISIS on Twitter and then Tweet at them, seeking approval for your plans

You should definitely take advantage of the Islamic State’s internet savvy. Try something like this:

social media jihad

Make Demands from the United States Government on Facebook

Everybody rants about how the United States is the world’s most egregious post-colonial empire, you need to take it to the next level by requiring the American government to cease and desist doing things that you think are shitty, like so:

social media jihad

Create a “Black Flags with Arabic Writing” Board on Pinterest

Pinterest is the most underutilized social network among would-be jihadists. You should change that by creating a board that features nothing but black flags with Arabic writing. Don’t worry, the writing doesn’t have to be anti-American, or even comprehensible for that matter. People will be too afraid to translate it.

Form a “Death to the Infidels” Channel on your Company Slack Account

This one is a given. Your company probably uses Slack. Everyone does. If you want to make sure that after you execute your vicious plan, people know where the credit rightfully belongs.

social media jihad