7 Things I Lied To My Hairdresser About For Absolutely No Reason

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Hairdresser

I recently got my hair cut, which is thrilling mostly because of human contact and also someone else washing your hair for you. However, this time, I found myself lying a lot to my hairdresser for no apparent reason.

Here are the 7 lies I told for no good goddamn reason at all.

1. That I wouldn’t look good in bangs.

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I think I might look really good in bangs even though I have curly hair but that might just be my anxiety about the global rise of the far-right talking.

2. That I didn’t know it was going to rain all week.

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I fucking knew. I have an app on the goddamned mini computer that I hold in my hands every waking moment unless I’m in the shower or at a really nice funeral.

3. That the water is the right temperature.

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It was very hot– scalding even– but I don’t want to be a diva. I’m not sure why I felt the need to prove to her that I wasn’t a diva.

4. That I love the midwest.

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I mean discounting the racism… it’s ok. The only good things are the fact that everyone has at least 2 refrigerators at their house and the Italian food.

5. I’ve never dyed my hair before to keep it healthy. 

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This is the “I floss” of getting your haircut. The only reason I haven’t dyed my hair is because I think I would fuck it up. I’m not taking that good of care of my hair. Please. I would light my hair on fire if it made it look good for a night. If I thought a salad spinner would get my hair dried fast enough, I would do that.

6. That I really liked the movie Arrival.

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Why did I lie about this? Who the hell am I trying to be to this woman? Arrival was mediocre at best. Why do they keep putting Jeremy Renner in movies? And I just told some nice lady named Gina that she should totally go see it! What the fuck am I doing here?