6 Ways Trump Can Block ISIS From Internet, Starting with Making it Use Time Warner


Last night, the Republican presidential candidates gathered in Las Vegas to engage in their seventh and final debate of the year. The problem of ISIS was front and center for the evening.

With their thriving presence on social media,  Donald Trump reaffirmed his strategy to combat the Islamic State by barring them from using our internet. Here are a few ways he could go about doing that:

1) Change America’s wifi password. For far too long, ISIS militants in Iraq and Syria have been leeching wifi off their neighbors across the Atlantic. A strong wifi password is crucial for amping up security, both homeland and network.

2) Have Time Warner Cable acquire all internet providers in Iraq. Sit back and watch as 90% of all ISIS correspondence becomes jihadists asking their roommates to reset the router.

(Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

3) Force Daesh militants to behave on Facebook by posing as their aunts and sending them friend requests.

4) Have the National Panhellenic Council recognize the Islamic State as a college sorority. Once a sorority, ISIS will no longer be allowed to conduct formal recruitment through social media, as per NPC rules.

5) Slightly change the Facebook layout several times over the course of just a few months. People used to inexplicably quit Facebook for this reason.

6) Nothing frees one from the unyielding clutches of the web quite like a good book. Let’s see ISIS get anything done once we ship them 10,000 copies of Albert Camus’ existential masterpiece The Stranger.