Every year, the Conservative Political Action Conference, or CPAC, gives Republicans a chance to join together for four days of speeches and affirmation. This year’s CPAC wrapped up this past weekend, so we compiled a list of potential speakers that they may want to consider for next year’s event.
1. Paul Ryan
Sure, this choice probably isn’t a shock, but any time you can get one of the leading voices of the conservative movement to speak at CPAC, ya gotta roll with it!
2. Kid Rock
Many were shocked last week when Kid Rock revealed that he is considering a run for Senate. However, he checks off all of the new Republican boxes in order to get elected; C-List celebrity, Performed at the WWE, and is featured prominently in an adult film. Heck, by the time CPAC 2019 rolls arounds, we may be referring to him as Senator Kid “Rock n’ Roll Jesus” Rock!
3. Lex Luthor
One of CPAC’s greatest draws is its ability to draw big names in the business world and Lex Luthor would undoubtedly be the biggest hit. The man is the CEO of a huge company, involved in politics, and takes a strong stance against illegal immigrants which is sure to speak to CPAC audiences.
4. Samson: The Dog Taught to Vote Against Civil Rights
One of the main draws of CPAC is for people to meet the emerging voices in the conservative movement, and NO ONE is making more waves this year than this adorable dog that has been taught to vote against any piece of legislation that helps deal with the plight of American minorities.
5. Ayn Rand’s Ghost
Now as Christians, we know that most of CPAC’s audience will be against the idea of raising a spirit from beyond the grave, but hear us out. This way, CPAC’s audience gets to hear directly from the woman who created the main tenants of Conservatism, and Ayn Rand gets a short respite from, what we can only reasonably assume is, Hell.
6. President Mike Pence
This may be the biggest of fish for CPAC 2018 to reel in, but we think they’re up for the task. After all, who would turn down a chance to hear a powerful affirmation on the strengths and values of the Republican party from the freshly sworn in 46th President of the United States of America?